Hello everyone. Today I was thinking about being alone, and why not write about it.

As you may know, I don’t live alone. I live with Kim Ove (my boyfriend), and we are together everyday, yet I find myself often “alone”, not alone as in he is somewhere else, but alone as in he is often in his garage, or upstairs working on our remodeling of the second floor. Other times he is actually out of the house as in visiting friends, helping friends and family and I am often home alone. And I do love it. I love sitting on the couch under a blanket with a good book, or watching a good program on netflix, viaplay, disney+, hbo, youtube, yeah you get it. Other times I sew, or embroider something, I do puzzel also. I have so much I can do that I seldom find myself in a bad mood or bored.

This is how it is for me now! It has not always been like that. I remember a time where I hated being alone. Even if I had tons of things I could do I didn’t do any of it. I was so house scared that I would rather sleep at others place than stay at home alone. I was never afraid of the dark, I loved the dark. But not staying home alone. As the years progressed I find that I could sleep home when I was alone, I was not happy about it, but I could do it. What I couldn’t do is sleep when I was babysitting my brother. Eventhough he slept through the night and my dad and stepmother would come home during the night. If I had a friend babysitting with me I could easy fall a sleep. Just not when I was alone.

I have never really lived alone ever, and I am 28 years old. That is somewhat impressive actually, I moved out at 16 years, I moved in with my best friend, and after awhile I moved in with my then boyfriend (which is a topic for another time), after that I moved in with my grandmother since I had a cat and my stepmother was allergic so I couldn’t move back home. after some years I moved to city 10 hours from home, with the boyfriend I was with then. Later I moved in to a collective before I moved back to my grandmother. After my dad died I lived with my stepmother and siblings for awhile. Then they moved to her hometown since she had her family there. After that I spent my time between them and my grandmother until I and Kim Ove became a couple, after that I spent most of my time at my grandmothersplace, and after she died I moved in to an apartment, and on the paper I lived alone, but the truth is that Kim Ove was at my place almost everday, and spent many nightst there. And now we live together in his hous and our home.

I do realise that I may have liked to be more alone if my mental health was good. I did struggle with depression for a long time and that had impacted me more than I like think about. And now during covid-19 many of us is all alone, with no friends or family nearby. Many who may not have any hobbies yet, others who struggle with anxiety and drepression so bad that they can’t see and end to anything. I do hope with all my heart that they do get the help they need. And that those who don’t have any hobbies yet, will try new things and maybe find something that will bring them joy. (and for those who do puzzles, embroodery and sew things, with minimum space, it’s alomost christmas and it’s good presents).

Love Emilie<3