Hello everyone. Today I will talk about the topic of closure, when you think you got it and when you actually got it.

This topic came to my mind after i woke up yesterday feeling satisifed and done and just kept smiling for myself. I got these feelings from a dream. A dream about my abusive ex boyfriend who I dumped 10 and a half years ago. It was one of the most difficult things I did. I do remember the weekend before and the day I actually broke up with him. I was the typical girl with so low self esteem that she did fall inlove with every guy that looked twice on her and when he, the older guy with lots of charisma and knows how to charm a girl with low self esteem so of course I had to fall over heels for him. He was the guy who always started a fight and played the innocent card and made me the bad guy every single time. And especially if I had talked on the phone with my best friend. Then all hell broke loose. After 1 year and 9 months of manipulative behavior, hittings and trapped environment Ihit the so called rock bottom. I had finally had enough of him to manipulate me to belive that I only needed my own family when we needed money. On a regular basis he convinced me that my family was bad for me and he and his family was all I ever needed. My best friend and her boyfriend and that time came to visit us, I remember that me and her went for a walk and talked alot, I don’t remember exatcly what we talked about. On sunday I went for a walk by myself where I decided that enough is enough, I need to get out of here. I called my dad who worked in the same town that I lived. I remember that I asked him to come and get me and my stuff. I was going to brake up with him. I remember that my dad told me to wait until Tuesday because that was the only day that he could get a large car to pick up my stuff. On monday when I was at school he called me and said that he could come that day and get my stuff, except me and my cat. (my stepmother is allergic), I hopped on the first bus so I could start packing and finally brake up ewith my ex. I remember that he didn’t take it very well, he was so so mad but he only left the house since my dad and one of his coworkers was with him. I also called one of my uncles (one of my dads younger brothers) and he came and got me and my cat and drove me to my grandmother where I started to get my life back together, I got my friends back and my family. Three days after I broke up with him he had the nerve to propose to me and promised me all sunshine and fairytales. I did say no.

Ahh, I do feel so so much better just writing this down, but I am not done.

For me I worked hard and long with mental health after this. A month after I broke up with him I got a new boyfriend and we did have it pretty good and my family loved him and asked about him after we broke up. I was somewhat better mentaly bot I was never actually good and I didn’t know how to help me and those psychologists I did go to was either more concerned with my sexlife instead of my depression, and another one told me that I was not depressed enough. And when I finally started to get better my dad died and I was back on the bottom. Even wen this happend I was convinced that I had my closure from my abusive ex, not closure in the sense that I got in contact with him to get an apology from him, but in the sense that I could talk about it and it wouldn’t bother me and that I had really got over it. At some point I did. I got to know Kim Ove summer 2014, around the same time as my dad died. We became friends and when I did visit my grandmother I used to let him know and we would meet up, and two years after that we became a couple and we have now been together for four years. And it will be many more.

I seriously belived until yesterdays morning that I had my closure, that I was done and really over him (my abusive ex). But when I woke up and thought about my dream I realised that I couldn’t let go 100% before now. As I did write further above here, I did fell amazing, satisfied and done. I just kept on smiling and I still do. I do a happy dance every five seconds inside my head and heart and I feel so so blessed.

In my dream I was with my abusive ex (no I was not cheating on Kim Ove) and I realised in my dream that I needed to stop blaming myself for staying for so long. I remember that I told him that no matter what happens we will never be a good couple and therefor we should never be together and that I am really done with him, how he made me feel, how he has still been on my mind (not in a loving way) and the feeling that I had to mention him as often just to remind myself that if I am not on guard that could happen again.

I am so done, I got my closure and I can finally put it 100% behind me and really live my life and nuture my relationship with Kim Ove even more from 100% healthy place.

Love Emilie ❤